I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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