my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm too high and old for this...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
