why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
