I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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