If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
