that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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