he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
