And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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