Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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