I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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