P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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