my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
