did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
