I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
