how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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