Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize