Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
