someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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