Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
