Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
