Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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