I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
