One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize