you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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