Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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