You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
