she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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