so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
