So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
