Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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