im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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