Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
