Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
