the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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