I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that's an acceptable place to lick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
