I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
