Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
