We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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