I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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