you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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