dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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