I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
