I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
