I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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