PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
