The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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