just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
