I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
