before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
