I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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