No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
