you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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