I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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