i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
