what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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