Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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