Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Still dying that you shit outside
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize