they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
