Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
