I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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