He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
