I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
