Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Success! We fucked roommates!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
