it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize