Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
