we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
