did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
