I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
