I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize